I Love You Goodbye

My Dearest Love,

Today is the day I realized that fighting my feeling for you is nonsense. I love you so much and I will always will and that will never change. But somehow thinking of you now is mixture of pain and happiness.

Pain because of the fact that I can't no longer be with you, that I miss you so much it hurts and I can't do anything about it. You let me go coz you don't love me the same as you loved me before. It hurt so much knowing that I'm the only one who's feeling this. I know that you care for me so much, but that is not what I want, what I need.. I need you..  

But why did you easily given this up? Why do you just let me go? Why? (T_T)

I believed it is possible to stay in love with one person for the rest of your life. It's by no means unrealistic to have a successful, very long term relationship and to be happy, not in the sense of hearts of flowers but in having a fulfilled life together. You will have good times and bad times, there will be heartaches and sadness and life will kick us in the teeth from time to time but this is normal and unavoidable.

It's the ability to cope together that is vital and to be with someone who not only understands you but who can let you be utterly yourself. 

I fell in love with you. And I can't help it. But staying in love? It is a choice to make and I choose to stay in love with you - it is indeed a choice. When I do starts to feel I'm losing it, I just go back to the very first memory I have with you and starts to think why did I fell in love with you at the first place? I will just realize that it is more happy moments than sad moment.

Today I choose to not to continue to love you. I choose not to stay in love with you. It is hard and difficult. I feel that letting you go the feeling is the hardest part and moving on without you is a damn suicide. But I need to face it. This is what you want and you keep on telling me this is for our best interest. 

I will do anything to make you happy, if this is what you want and if this is what will make you happy so be it.

Thanks again for everything, for all the memories for all the happy moments with you. There is no dull moments with you and I'm still blessed. I've met so many special and wonderful people because of you.

So after this, I will stop. To stop to think of you, to stop missing you and stop loving you.

I will not going to wait for you.. I will not going to hope that, you still love me and that what you feel now will still change and you will realized you still love me and will come back to me.. I will stop fooling myself anymore and  will stop having a false hope.

I will stop for the sake of stop. For the sake of myself. 

I love you good bye... :'(